that i don't need to put too much pressure on myself.
just stay calm and let things happen,
just take a deep breath and relax,
this world is temporary and life is short,
nothing worth fighting for,
just live.
..
.
that was then, because it's easier that way.
maybe i need that calmness because it was a lot to life back then.
and that's the only mechanism that i can afford.
and also to avoid the thinking that i did not do the best,
and the feeling of disappointment when things turned out opposite of what i'd expecting.
i was neglecting my born with attribute,
i was discredit my urge to fight.
it has been years and i almost forgot what i really am,
i was too calm, yet i am not that.
now i think i had enough rest,
i had enough of wanting to settle down,
i had enough letting things happen by its own,
-
i want to take control.
because i was and am a fighter,
and also because i'm ready to back in fight.
