30

sekurang-kurangnya kita kenal siapa diri kita,
sekurang-kurangnya kita kenal yang maha kuasa.

jangan biar mati nanti sia-sia.

hablun minnan nas

Syukur atas salah lalu yang tertebus. 

Terus memohon untuk yang masih belum. 

Mustahil elak yang mendatang, terus cuba untuk yang terpaling kurang.

red eye

i keep looking at the evening sun,

it looks reddish, in perfect circle,

low and a little above the horizon.

though i know it's not good for my eyes, i just keep looking.

i could be blinded by it,

but i keep looking

.

.

sunstruck

sightfucked.

. 

         

sucker punch

i used to tell myself to take life easily,
that i don't need to put too much pressure on myself.

just stay calm and let things happen,
just take a deep breath and relax,
this world is temporary and life is short,
nothing worth fighting for,

just live.

..

.

that was then, because it's easier that way.
maybe i need that calmness because it was a lot to life back then.
and that's the only mechanism that i can afford.
and also to avoid the thinking that i did not do the best,
and the feeling of disappointment when things turned out opposite of what i'd expecting.

i was neglecting my born with attribute,
i was discredit my urge to fight.

it has been years and i almost forgot what i really am,
i was too calm, yet i am not that.

now i think i had enough rest,
i had enough of wanting to settle down,
i had enough letting things happen by its own,
-
i want to take control.

because i was and am a fighter,
and also because i'm ready to back in fight.

validation of society?

Hidup harapkan puji,
Mati tak terpuas di hati.

There’s always a reason behind why people behave the way they did

Person A: I think you should change the way you live. Stop wasting your time on cats and start investing maybe?

Person B: I think you’re a hypocrite

Person A: And why is that?

Person B: Because you tell me to do this and that, but you’re also wasting your money and time on something you like..

Person A: Well...my situation is different. I’m afford. And if I am at your position, i would do what i said..

Person B: Well you’re not in my position.

29

Harijadi adalah satu hari yang berlaku secara berulang-ulang. Dan perkara yang berulang itu memenatkan. Jadi kita selalunya memilih untuk mengelak dari melakukan sesuatu yang berulang. Kerana itu beberapa tahun kebelakangan ini, aku tidak mempedulikan harijadi malahan menganggap ianya sesuatu yang remeh malah melecehkan.

..

.

Tahun ini berbeza. Tahun ini aku lebih peduli. Mungkin kerana kesan tidak mengendahkan hari yang remeh ini sejak beberapa kali.

Kali ini tidak lagi tentang cari dan gali.

Kali ini bukan tentang diri.

Kali ini tentang mempeduli.

Samada hayat yang dipinjam ini dibaloikan atau dirugi.

Dilaburkan atau dijoli.

Cuba tercukup dengan yang duniawi,
Mencukup untuk hari selepas mati.